|Nothing says warm and inviting kitchen better than crazed monkeys attempting to make yakitori out of actual Asian men.|
My darling Charming Suitor lives, as one would expect, in a Charming Bungalow. Built in 1918, and renovated in the 1950s, it is classic Chicago architecture and completely, well, Charming! And in this Charming Bungalow is a Charming Kitchen that has the 1950's awesome steel kitchen cabinets with the chrome handles. Being that the cabinets were actually installed in the 1950s, there aren't a lot of them, just one lower unit that houses the kitchen sink, and then a large wall unit above the sink where Charming Suitor kept all his Charming Plates and Glasses and Bowls and Vases etc.
And this week, whilst we were sleeping snugly at my house, the Charming Cabinet decided it was tired of the wall. 60 plus years of hanging in one place, stocked to the gills with heavy stoneware and glassware, it's little open shelf on the bottom filled with oils and vinegars and spices and such. It was bored. Or maybe slightly suicidal. Maybe it had heard that at some point it was likely that Charming Suitor might in fact be planning on taking up permanent residence at my own equally Charming abode. Perhaps it was having a Betty Draper hissy fit, going all "I can't even FACE the idea of him dating another kitchen cabinet."and since a cabinet cannot chain smoke or suck down eleven martinis, it just decided to make a statement.
A big statement.
CS returned to his house to discover the cats, brawny indoor/outdoor toms, named for manly sport heroes, who can face down the neighborhood mastiff with nary a moment of fear, huddled in the corner, holding each other.
A peek down the hallway revealed a ktichen floor covered wall to wall with shards of glass and pottery.
|Hmmm. That's weird.|
"Methinks I have been burgled!" CS thought to himself as he cautiously moved in to investigate.
|That seems wrong.|
And discovered the lovely cabinet, and all of its contents, no longer attached to the wall even the tiniest bit.
|Oh, there's nothing good about this...|
|Bad for glassware.|
|Its the Poseidon Adventure at the Pottery Barn!|
|Yes Greg, that's a full gainer off the wall!|
A lifetime of lovingly collected dishware and cookware and glasses and mugs, kaplooie. Not just broken, EXPLODED. It was all kinds of Kristallnacht in there. Some items had literally been pulverized to powder.
It was NOT CHARMING.
The cabinet, only slightly bent and dented here and there, was not so much worse for wear.
|Desperate cry for help from kitchen cabinet.|
The wall, original 1918 lathe and plaster, was cracked and had a couple big holes, and....well....this:
|I know this stuff is making a comeback, but...|
|...does it really need GLITTER?|
|Jen, you MAY NOT try to find this wallpaper for your house. Step away from the light, Carol Anne.|
Jen believes that this wallpaper pushed the cabinet off the wall in order to prove that kitschy wallpaper WILL NOT BE DENIED.
A couple of other friends implied that I might have sneakily loosened a bolt or taken a crowbar to the unit, in order to speed up the "purge and merge" process. (This was not made less viable by the fact that the eight plates and six bowls of mine that were currently living in the cabinet were all amongst the survivors.)
My parents both asked if it was related to the moth problem of last week, but I am pretty sure that fifteen half-dead grain moths from the pantry could not have caused this level of damage.
CS filled three enormous garbage cans with shattered glass and pottery, called a fabulous handyman, and the cabinet is now firmly reattached to the wall, as if nothing had ever been amiss.
|There were THREE of these!|
The cats are suffering from Vietnam flashbacks, so we are not slamming doors these days.
And yes, we did save a piece of the wallpaper for possible framing.
It will look absolutely Charming.
In my kitchen.
I'd love to hear about your own Charming household disasters....post them in the comments section and the top 20 answers will get a signed copy of Good Enough to Eat and a limited edition GETE promotional apron!
And thank you to CS, who provided pics, most of the captions, and the kind of sense of humor to give permission for me to share this story with you all.
Yours in good taste,