Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Little bits of joy

Hello Chickens!  As many of you know, last Sunday, May 1, my Charming Suitor and I said I Do. 

Cookin' in the kitchen!
There was a lot of crazy leading up to a perfect weekend of family and friends and love and laughter.  In one fell swoop I gained the very special gifts of a husband, another set of parents, a sister and brother, and even nieces!  When the wedding pics come back, I will share more, but for now, I wanted to share some of the little details and recommendations that came out of the experience, before they leave my head.


Full disclosure:  The creator of these is a longtime friend, and was a wedding planner for years.  She meticulously researched the best little "insurance policies" that everyone needs on hand on the big day.  Things like a top quality emergency stain remover kit, band aids, clear nail polish...even the things you wouldn't think of, like plastic straws for drinking without smudging lipstick!  Jackie's wedding present to Charming Suitor and I were these bags, and we both were SO glad we had them.  I had a tiny snag on my the bag?  Tiny scissors, it was gone in a flash without a trace.  Had forgotten my "something blue", a cool strand of blue suede peppered with little Turkish eveil eye beads for luck, wound it around my bouquet and we were back on the good luck train.  Charming Suitor used his like a briefcase, organizing all the checks to pay vendors, collecting gift envelopes, and keeping his wallet etc. in a safe place.  The best gift you can give to a bride or groom, or yourself if your big day is coming up.

2.  Flip Video

Someone you know has one.  Ask them to tape the ceremony if you aren't hiring a videographer.  We are so glad my mom handed hers to one of our friends, because we have been able to share the ceremony with some family and friends who were unable to attend.

3.  Don't be afraid to ask for unusual details.

We were able to make the day special and personal by working with our vendors on some details that were special to us.  Because the event was so small, and because we are well equipped for entertaining at home, we were able to use our own china, silver, linens and glassware for the reception.  It was very cool to see a friend eating our wedding cake off of my great-grandmother's china!  We asked the restaurant where we had our wedding dinner to put gougeres in the breadbasket, since they were an early funny bonding thing between CS and I.  Everyone will be honest about what they can and can't do for you, but it never hurts to ask.

4. Let go.

In the weeks leading up to the big day everyone around us kept remarking on how calm we were.  Our standard response was this:  We wanted to be husband and wife.  We didn't give a flying fig about being "bride and groom".  Of course we wanted the event to go well, for the guests to have a good time, for all the planning to result in events that go off without hitches.  But at the end of the day, the promise we made to each other was that the day was a lovely necessary step in getting us to our life together, and not the other way around.  So we made a conscious decision not to care about whether the cake fell off the table, or if it rained, or if we flubbed our lines.  And it worked.  By focusing on the big picture, and making sure that we genuinely felt that if anything went wrong it would be hilarious and not heartbreaking, we could be calm, cool and collected.  We had butterflies of excitement, not nervousness.  We were able to be fully present in the moment, because we weren't thinking about how the event was moving along.  I'm not saying you shouldn't embrace the fun of being the center of attention for a day, we planned the heck out of this wedding weekend, and loved being on the receiving end of such love and warmth.  I'm just saying that the day is the "amuse bouche" of your partnership, the tasty little mouthful that starts the meal off right, and that the rest of your lives together is the meat and potatoes. 

Any other marrieds with good advice for getting through your big day?

Stay tuned for more details, some in depth discussion of a spectacular wedding dinner, and pics as we get them.

Yours in Good Taste,
Mrs. Polymath


  1. Oh man... I love this so much. Thanks for sharing!! Big hearty sincere congrats to you and the Mr!! But here is my favorite part: the bit about being husband and wife, and not about being bride and groom. You said it, sister!!

    I'm a runaway bride, myself. I called off my BIG DAY with two weeks to go. We had "yes" RSVPs from 300 guests; a lovely seated surf & turf dinner planned; a 9-piece band ready to rock... but I couldn't imagine myself attached to the man for life without feeling anxious and afraid and sad and alone. That was 4 years ago.

    Now? I have a lovely CS of my own... and if he asked me this afternoon, I would marry him tomorrow morning, wearing my bathrobe, with just our landlord present. That's how I know I'm in it for the long haul. :)

    I love to hear about love. Again: big ol' Midwestern congrats from a fan!

  2. Congratulations!!! Can't wait to see the gorgeous pics!!!

  3. It's a little scary how excitedly I screamed when I saw this post; you would think that I was reacting to hearing the news about close friends, which, in a way, I feel you are (in an electronic, follow your blog, buy your books, promise not to ever show up at your door sort of way).

    That said, I am planning to quote you often re: the wedding as an "amuse bouche" to married life. It's the best metaphor I've come across to describe the importance of the "big day" relative to the "ever after" that follows.

    Best wishes to you and CS as you begin your life together!

  4. Just last week I came across your blog and was sooooo excited!

    Thank you for being a author. I've enjoyed your books tremendously.

    When I read Inappropriate Men, I had just gone through something similar and basically cried all the way through the book.

    Looking forward to reading your latest.

  5. Congratulations! I am so happy for you and I can’t wait to see the pictures!! I think the most important part is when you wrote “you care about being husband and wife, and not bride and groom”. I think so many people lose sight of what the day is really about as they plan a big wedding. They get so wrapped up in the minor details… I think a small, intimate celebration is the perfect way to start a new life. I personally, went even smaller (a planned elopement on the beach in Aruba) followed by small celebrations when we returned home.

  6. Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you!!!!

  7. I got married in a hearse at a drive up chapel in Las Vegas. I'm not sure what kind of Amuse Bouche that is but I've been married 18 years and it was the only way I could have done it.

    Congratulations and excellent main course to you!

  8. Congratulations! Love the small ceremonies, so much more intimate and your focus was right. Best wishes for your life together and can't wait for the pix. Jill

  9. Congratulations!

    Some of my wedding evening tips:

    1) RELAX and enjoy the moment.

    2) We had snacks of sliders and mini gyros served around 11 pm for all the late-night dancers. We still get compliments on that detail 2 years later.

    3) Order room service to be delivered to the bride & groom late night. After all that dancing it's great to have a snack, especially if dinner has been cut short by greeting all the guests throughout the evening.

  10. Congratulations and best wishes for a long and happy life together.

    My advice is never sweat the small details. Before we got married, I would read wedding blogs and girls would freak out about the smallest (and often expensive) details. When people say no one will even notice - they mean it! Relax, enjoy yourself, celebrate your love and concentrate on good food and drinks rather than colors of ribbons!

  11. Beautiful photo at the top- and I too, screamed when I read the headline- Yeah! Congrats! Happiness always!