A Legend in my Living Room

As most of you know, this whole 'full-time writer' business is still reletively new to me. Up until Dec. 31 of 2006, I was working a major job.

Here were some things that I was unaware of when I left my job for the exciting world of working from home, things that I felt I should share in case any of you are contemplating such a move:

1. There are no available single men wandering around your apartment while you are at work all day.

2. It is, as I have discovered, very possible to replace a 60 hour a week job with 60 hours a week of Law and Order reruns.

3. All those home projects that you think you will get done, you will not. In fact, something about working from home makes beginning those projects even that much easier to procrastinate. I had such grand ambitions about reorganizing my basement. Two years later, it is untouched. I am trying to muster guilt, but it isn't working.

4. The delicious home-cooked meals you plan on making for yourself will actually happen. For a couple of weeks. Until someone who shall remain nameless, (JENNIFER LANCASTER www.jennsylvania.com) informs you that Philly's Best not only makes a cheese steak sandwich that is totally addictive, but manages to deliver onion rings that are still crispy, and that they will bring these things to your house UNTIL MIDNIGHT. Suddenly this seems like an appropriate snack.

5. You will not, as you have planned, take advantage of the free days at the museums to clear your head and get you out of the house. You will, however, find the slightest excuse to go to Target and Costco in the middle of the day.

6. The Law and Order habit will be harder to quit than crystal meth. You will not succeed.

7. Suddenly cute ringtones for all of the contacts on your cell phone become a major priority. Currently playing The Psychedelic Furs "Ghost in You".

8. Your plan to keep normal hours on weekdays, get to bed at a reasonable hour, and not turn into a vampire will last approximately 1 week. Until you catch a midnight showing of Heathers on cable on a Wednesday night and all willpower will fly out the window.

9. You will purchase Law and Order:Trial By Jury on DVD because it is the only show they don't re-run, and will consider pitching Law and Order: Meter Maid as a viable next project.

10. You may begin to believe that you are simultaneously dating Jesse L. Martin, Christopher Meloni, and Vincent D’Onofrio. This seems infinitely better than actually meeting anyone new.

Most importantly....you will feel every day as if you are getting away with something, and keep an eye out for the truant officer who must be trying to track you down to make you go back to work. I'm still negotiating with myself what the days should look like, but I'm having a hell of a good time.