I've never been a headphones on all day girl. I like to listen to music when I am exercising, or an audiobook when I am trying to fall asleep, but I have never been the person who walks around at all times with my ears plugged. I like to engage with the world around me, like to hear the friend yelling for my attention from the other side of the street, or the horn of the car about to slam into me. Plus, and this is most important, I love to eavesdrop. Because people are often ridiculous.
While walking to my car yesterday I overheard a middle aged woman trying to convince her friend to switch to her salon because, and I quote:
"For only $22 I get a cut AND a blow job."
Which appeared to delight her friend who "Usually pays more than twice that."
After getting into my car and nearly laughing out a lung, I went to the gym where my intrepid (and it should be noted, of foreign origin) trainer proceeded to tell me that he thinks this whole problem with Fannie and Bernie is ridiculous.
"Fannie and Bernie?"
"Yes, the loan people."
"You mean Fannie and Freddie Mac?"
"No, no, Fannie and Bernie Mac."
"Gabe, Fannie and Freddie Mac are the loan people. Bernie Mac was a brilliant comedian who recently passed away."
"You knew what I meant."
Which I did, but still.
The Ghost of Bernie seems to be haunting me, as right after he passed away I was having a take-out pizza and baseball date with a friend and George Lopez came on the television during the commercials.
"He's dead, you know." Said my dining companion seriously.
"Yep. He just died."
"Oh my god, when?" Having heard nothing about it.
"Like two weeks ago, he died from some disease he had."
I paused. "Do you mean Bernie Mac, who died from complications from pneumonia and not from the sarcoidosis he had for years?"
He paused. "Yep. Thats probably what I meant. I'm no good with pop culture."
I bet it is the first and last time someone mistakes George Lopez for Bernie Mac.
On a personal note, I met Bernie once, through a mutual friend, and he was one of the most gracious, intelligent, kind, hilarious people I have ever had the pleasure to share a couple hours with, and the world is a much less warm and funny place without him. On the upside, heaven has a new headliner.
In the meantime, I got this little gem as I was leaving Lula Cafe after a business lunch-
Spoken by a 20-something hipster gent on his iPhone:
"It was okay, dude, but it wasn't exactly like the best movie since The English Patient."
"No, man, I never saw The English Patient either."
Oh, there is just gorgeous humor everywhere.
My final fave is an adaptation of a recent quote from a reporter for the AP who was being interviewed by Rachel Maddow....the original quote referenced a certain politician who has been in the headlines for the past nine months or so, and who has been famously made fun of on Live Weekend Comedy Shows on Network Television, however when I actually used her name in quoting this gem on my Facebook page, I accidentally incited a riot of political discourse, which was not my intention. So I have taken the liberty of altering said quote to eliminate the political aspect of things, since I am not a pundit, I believe you are entitled to any political view you choose even if it differs from mine, and I have no intention of getting into debates on this site. Besides, it isn't the subject of the joke that makes it funny, it totally works with many different people, so I encourage you to co-opt it for your own amusement by inserting the name of someone you loathe at work, your irritating cousin, or the celeb of your choice.
So, altered to avoid confrontation:
Attaching (insert the name of your favorite village idiot here)'s ambition to their intelligence is like attaching a jet engine to a golf cart. You have plenty of power, but not much steering capability.
If you decide to imagine that this is about a brunette who likes to shoot things from aircraft, let it be known that it is your own imagination which is conjuring that up, and I am innocent of any implied attempt at political influence or intolerance.