And the Lord Said...

I dunno about you, but I'm slightly concerned about the weather.

I was out at The Farm on my own Friday night, and the cicadas were insanely loud.  This is the "country", so country type noises are not unusual, and shouldn't really be noted.

Except it is not their year.

You know, those "every 17 years like clockwork" insects are all like "Look at me!  I'm here now, wings akimbo."

Then the skies opened up and the rain was CRAZY.  I mean, someone build an ARK crazy.  Which helped to not hear the cicadas, but made me start to think biblically.  First locusts, then rain.  What comes next?

FROGS.  Seriously.  And while it is the "country", and I am used to both frogs and toads in reasonably amphibious abundance due to pond and pool on the premises, in 35 years I have never seen a tree frog out there EVER.  This little guy was attached to the sliding glass door, and I can only assume he fell from the sky.

First locusts, then frogs. I'm starting to get a little bit worried....

Feasting Friday the 13th

Thanks to BetterHomesandGardens.com

I’ve never been particularly superstitious.

Black cats don’t make me cringe. I pretty much think they are cute.

U will luff me or sufr konseekwences.

I have wantonly stepped on cracks with no ill effects to my mother. I avoid walking under ladders not because I worry about bad luck but because I worry about large men dropping tools on my head. I have opened umbrellas inside, and broken the occasional mirror and not lost any sleep.

Eleven years working in professional theater does mean that I say The Scottish Play, and Lord and Lady M instead of allowing M*A*C*B*E*T*H to pass my lips, even when I am not physically in a theater, but more for the comfort of others than for my own mental health.

Production directed by my pal Susan for Citylit Chicago!  Cool poster.  Eerie....ooooo.

But when it comes to kitchen superstitions, I do tend to err on the side of caution.

Thanks amyblogschow.com

I throw spilled salt over my left shoulder with my right hand, to ward off bad luck. If I give a knife as a gift I include a penny that the recipient can give back to me to “buy” the knife, since giving a knife as a present is said to sever the relationship. I never cut both ends of a loaf of bread, and often toss the last slice to the birds or squirrels. Despite deep desire to do so, I refrain from poking around anyone’s stove or prep unless invited. When friends move into a new home, I will often gift them a broom, a packet of salt and a loaf of bread to bring them luck.


A Wiccan friend once called me a Kitchen Witch. ( I thought he called me a Kitchen Bitch at first and was somewhat put out, but then he explained that he said WITCH, and it was a compliment.) Apparently in the Pagan traditions, a kitchen witch was someone who creates magic through what she cooks, by making her meals with loving intent, bringing both physical sustenance but also good luck, natural protective spells and herbal remedies. I thought about the number of times I have made chicken soup for a sick pal, or sweet baked goods for celebrations or thank you gifts, comfort foods for the bereaved or heartbroken. I kind of liked it.


It is SO much better than Kitchen Bitch, which is what my wasband used to call me, probably because of my Kitchen Double Standard. Not familiar? Here is how it works:


1. If I cook for you, I have toiled for your pleasure, and you should clean up and do all the dishes.


2. If you cook, you have dirtied up the kitchen and should clean up after yourself.


In his defense, it was a leeeetle bit bitchy, and is certainly not remotely the way I am with my Charming Suitor.


In my defense, he was an asshat. ‘Nough said.


At any rate, today is Friday the 13th, which can be a tricky day for those of you who do hold to some superstitious beliefs.

So your Polymathematical Kitchen Witch is here at the ready with recipes that are really hard to mess up. The kind of forgiving foods that survive even serious bad juju.


Some Friday the 13th kitchen advice:


This is a good day to rely on pre-prepped items, even if they are slightly more expensive…bags of pre-washed greens, pre-chopped onions or veggies, proteins already broken into their necessary usable parts. No reason to risk potential bloodletting with fancy knife work.


If you do order in, order from a usual place and don’t try anything you haven’t tried before…that way you won’t be unpleasantly surprised.


Make something with inherent “good luck”. Long noodles are said to bring long life, lentils and rice bring bounty and abundance, cabbage and other leafy greens are said to bring prosperity, seafood brings the reminder of the cleansing nature of water and the ocean, and sweet things like honey, baked goods and dried fruits like dates bring sweetness to life. (Oh, and of course, I happen to think chocolate, champagne and whipped cream bring good luck. I did not say good health, I just said good luck!)


Here are some “good luck” easy recipes for your Friday the 13th…hope you have a fantastic weekend! (And don’t forget to enter the contest for lunch with me and Jen Lancaster in your hometown!)


French Lentils With Shallots And Thyme


2 shallots, peeled and halved
1 carrot, peeled and roughly chopped
1 rib celery, roughly chopped
3 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
2 1/4 cups French Du Puy lentils
1 teaspoon dried thyme
3 bay leaves
1 tablespoon kosher salt or 1 1/2 teaspoons table salt
6 c chicken stock or water


In a food processor, combine shallot, celery and carrot. Process until finely chopped.


Place a large saucepan over medium heat, and add oil. When hot, add chopped vegetables, and sauté until softened, 5 to 10 minutes. Add 6 cups water or chicken stock, lentils, thyme, bay leaves and salt. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a fast simmer.


Simmer until lentils are tender and have absorbed most of the water or stock, for 20 to 25 minutes. If necessary, drain any excess liquid after lentils have cooked. Serve immediately, or allow them to cool and reheat later. Serve with sausages below…

Thanks BBCGoodFood.com

Roasted Sausages with Red Grapes


4 mild chicken or pork Italian sausages, about 5-6 ounces each
1 lb red seedless grapes, preferably organic
4 Tbs olive oil
1 Tbs balsamic vinegar, or to taste
Salt


Preheat the oven to 475 degrees.


Heat a heavy skillet, preferably cast-iron, over moderate heat until hot but not smoking. Lay the sausages in the skillet, and cook them, turning once, until nicely browned, about 8 minutes total.


While the sausages are cooking, remove the grapes from their stems, rinse them under cool water, drain them, and place them in a bowl. Add the olive oil, and toss.


When the sausages are browned, place them in an 8-inch square glass or ceramic baking dish, and dump the grapes on top of and around them. Slide the dish into the oven, and bake for 25 minutes, turning the sausages once after about 15 minutes.


Remove the pan from the oven, and move the sausages to a platter or individual plates. Pour the grapes and their juices into a small saucepan, season with a pinch of salt, and place the saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring, until the grapes bubble and sizzle and their juices are syrupy. Remove the pan from the heat, stir in the vinegar, and pour the grapes over the sausages. Serve.

Thanks BBCGoodFood

Linguine With Tuna


1 pound linguine
5 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 clove garlic, smashed
1 small shallot, minced
½ t chili flakes, or to taste
1/2 cup pitted oil-cured black olives, sliced
1/4 cup small nonpareil capers
1/2 cup canned cannellini beans
12 ounces imported canned tuna in olive oil, drained
1/4 cup chopped flat-leaf parsley leaves
1/4 cup chopped mint leaves
Freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup coarse, lightly toasted bread crumbs


Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cook pasta until al dente.


Meanwhile, heat 2 tablespoons oil in a very large skillet. Add garlic and shallots. Sauté until soft. Add chili flakes, olives, capers and beans and cook another minute or so. Break up tuna in flakes and add. Cook until ingredients are warm. Remove from heat.


Drain pasta, reserving about a cup of water. Add pasta, parsley and mint to skillet. Return to low heat and toss well. Add remaining olive oil and pasta water to moisten ingredients. Season with salt, black pepper and more chili flakes if desired. Transfer to a serving bowl, top with bread crumbs and a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil.


Greens Braised In Red Wine


1 1/2 pounds collards, kale or other greens, washed and trimmed
1/4 cup olive oil
1 large shallot, minced
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
1/2 cup chicken stock
1/2 cup dry red wine


Tear or chop greens into bite-size pieces. Place olive oil in a large skillet, and turn heat to medium-high. Add shallots and, when they soften, the greens. Toss frequently, and cook for 3 or 4 minutes.


Reduce heat to medium, and add chicken stock, salt and pepper. Cover, and cook for 5 minutes.


Remove cover, and add wine. Cook, uncovered and stirring frequently, for about 5 minutes, or until almost all of the liquid has evaporated and the greens are tender.

Thanks LLDesserts

Lemon Olive Oil Cake


3/4 fruity extra-virgin olive oil, plus extra for the pan
1 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
3 large eggs
1 cup sugar
3/4 cup Greek whole milk yogurt or sour cream
Finely grated zest of 3 lemons


Juice of 1 lemon
½ t vanilla extract
2 c confectioners’ sugar
pinch salt


Put oven rack in center position and heat oven to 325. Lightly oil a 9-inch springform pan or large loaf pan. Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl.


With an electric mixer, beat eggs and sugar in a large bowl on high speed for 5 minutes, or until pale and thick. Add yogurt, zest; beat to combine. With mixer on medium speed, add oil in a quick steady stream. Reduce speed to low and gradually add flour mixture just until blended. Whisk batter by hand to make sure that all ingredients are incorporated.


Pour batter into pan. Bake, rotating pan once, until cake is golden, center springs back to touch, and edges pull away from pan, 40 to 45 minutes. Cool for a minute or two on rack, then release from pan. Blend lemon juice, vanilla, salt and confectioners’ sugar into a glaze, and pour over cake when still warm but not hot, and then cool completely before slicing.


Yours in Good Taste, and Good Luck,
The Polymath

The Parlor and the Kitchen- Monday Blues

Mondays suck out loud. And they require a special kind of sustenance.

It doesn’t matter that I work for myself, often in sweatpants (read: pajamas), in my living room. It doesn’t matter that I am smart enough to avoid scheduling Monday meetings. I am pretty diligent about giving myself actual weekends, with as little working as I can manage, hoping to start the week refreshed. I am not successful. For whatever reason, Mondays are a hard to get out of bed day, a cranky day, a day you want to just curl up on the couch and watch bad TV and eat something soft and comforting.


One of the things that is awfully dangerous about loving to cook is that you can easily start the week with a fridge full of drips and drabs, little bits of leftovers, the flotsam and jetsam of a well-spent weekend in the kitchen.

Thanks to RealSimple for the pic!

As I have mentioned before, I am slightly OCD about food safety, so while Charming Suitor will happily grab something a week old for a snack, leftovers get tossed after three days in my house. I’m just too paranoid. So by the time I get to Monday, it is the last day for whatever I made on Friday. And despite the desire to head to the store and spend the afternoon whipping up something fun and new to beat the Monday blahs (and procrastinate actual work), I do hate the wastefulness of my stringent food policies, it makes me crazy to throw away food when so many are hungry.


Yesterday was no different. I dragged my hateful Ms Cranky Pants self out of the dark comfort of my bed to discover that the weather here in Chicago was overcast and threatening to rain. I looked at the e-mails to be answered, and the contest entries to be logged. (If you haven’t already, check out the fab contest Jen Lancaster and I are running, and enter! CLICK HERE for details, you won’t be sorry….you could win the two of us coming to your hometown to take you and your best bud to lunch! With presents!)


I decided that I needed to take stock of the fridge. While I could have simply made lunch from leftovers, eating them in their original state didn’t set my heart aflutter. I wanted something simple, new. It made me think of all of the casseroles of my youth. Born of frugality, the casserole was the garde manger of the home, making something out of nothing, the waste not want not mentality.

These days, when I make a casserole, it is usually its own thing, not a response to something already in existence. It is because I am craving turkey tetrazzini, not because I have leftover turkey. And yet, that doesn’t honor the origin of those deeply comforting dishes. The all-in-one meals that can be served in a bowl with a spoon and eaten in one’s lap.


Here is what I had in the fridge:
A bit of flank steak
A large chunk of turkey breast
One ear of corn
A small handful of steamed asparagus
2 grilled yellow squashes and 1 grilled zucchini
A large bowl of rice salad with black beans


Hmmm. Both of the meats had been done on the grill. The veggies are all pretty complementary. Rice is a good vehicle for most anything, and all good comfort foods have some sort of starchy element.


I took out the bowl of rice, and began chopping everything else up.

I went to the pantry and discovered a can of cream of chicken soup. In the fridge, the end of a tub of sour cream and a quarter cup of half and half. About an ounce of grated Chihuahua cheese and the same of grated parm. I tossed all the gloopy stuff in a bowl and mixed. Some salt and pepper.

And then dumped the mess into the bowl of leftovers and stirred it up, and transferred to a foil pan. (no one wants to scrub casserole dishes on a Monday.) Some bread crumbs and a drizzle of olive oil, and into a 350 degree oven.

I knew it might be a disaster. I knew that it was possible that I was rendering a fridge full of perfectly good leftovers into a nightmare pan of inedibility. But I also knew that I was unlikely to actually eat any of them in their current state, and would let them languish until I could safely throw them away.

It was a leap of faith, made easier by the knowledge that if it sucked like Monday, no one would be the wiser.


I got lucky. The rice and goo melded to make a soft creamy vehicle for the meats and veg. The occasional pop of a kernel of sweet corn was a wonderful surprise, and I wish I’d had a second ear to throw in there. The zucchini and squash retained their flavor and texture and shockingly didn’t get lost in the dish, and the turkey and steak were great tender nuggets, and it didn’t seem at all weird to have both in there, probably because they were both done on the grill, so the smoke unified them. The asparagus, which had been toothpick thin, completely disappeared, but I think it would have been good if it had been larger. But all in all, it was enormously satisfying and made Monday lunch something of a celebration.

(The fact that Monday dinner then became cakes made of the casserole, lightly pressed together and dredged in flour before pan searing in olive oil, served with softly scrambled eggs was a major bonus!)


Some tips for successful off the cuff casserole-ing:


If they went together well on your plate at dinner, they are likely to play well in a casserole. Just be careful about things that are seasoned in a complicated way, or come in a lot of sauce, or are likely to give off a lot of water in the cooking. If you have raw veggies left over from a crudités platter or the like, steam them quickly in the microwave, or sauté before using them.


Keep a couple of condensed cans of cream of something soup in your pantry….I like chicken for things that will have meat, and celery for things that don’t. This stuff is just great casserole glue, and don’t be ashamed to use it! Do buy the highest quality available.


Anything creamy always helps, sour cream, milk/cream/half and half, cottage cheese, cream cheese, goat cheese, mascarpone. You can also stir in an egg or two as a binder.


Something tangy, like leftover shredded cheese or grated parm can be a good addition to brighten flavors.


Starch is key, leftover pasta, rice or potatoes are wonderful in casseroles. If you have the protein and veg but are shy on the starch, cook up some new stuff quickly. I also freeze leftover rice that comes with Chinese takeout, an excellent back up plan.  If your leftover starch is something that won't mix well, like stuffing or mashed potatoes, think about using it either as a base for the rest of the stuff, or as a topping. (Stuffing crust or Shepherd's Pie style mashed potato topping!)


Season simply with salt and pepper. Lemon zest can also be a good addition to a casserole. Parsley almost always works. Be careful with other herbs to be sure that they won’t fight with the flavors.


A crunchy topping is always welcome, experiment with toasted crumbs (great way to use up stale bread), the remains of a bag of chips, crispy chow mein noodles, crumbled crackers leftover from the weekend cheese board….


BE BOLD! BE FEARLESS! Its leftovers, the worst thing that can happen is that you’ll have pizza night. (which is another fun way to use up leftovers, but that is another post….)


Bake about an hour at 350, then check the temperature…you want it to be pretty steaming hot, at least 160, just to be sure that any little unwanted beginnings of bacteria that your leftovers may have been harboring are thoroughly dealt with, especially since the point of the casserole is to give you an extra couple of days of viability.

(Feel better with some actual recipes for inspriation?  Click any of the casserole mentions above for some good casserole cookbooks!)


Yours in Good Taste,
The Polymath


@staceyballis on Twitter...come follow me!

Feasting Friday- Win Lunch in Your Hometown with Jen Lancaster and Me!

Welcome to a very especially delicious Feasting Friday post, complete with amazing exciting knock your socks off contest!

Many of you may know that I am BFF with the most fabulous Jen Lancaster, New York Times Bestselling author of Bitter is the New Black, Bright Lights Big Ass, Pretty in Plaid, Such a Pretty Fat and My Fair Lazy.

Me and Jen at my 40th B-Day party

We met in 2006 at the Printer’s Row Book Fair when we were placed on a panel together about writing with humor. It was pretty much love at first meeting, and we quickly discovered that with a few minor exceptions, we are the same person. We decided that we would be besties and that our tabloid name would be Stennifer.

Me and Jen and Top Chef Winner Stephanie Izard...nice red eyes!

Jen’s memoirs, in which I make many appearances, are wonderful and funny and brutally honest, and if you have not read them, I STRONGLY encourage you to do so. One of the many things that is so terrific about Jen, is that she is very supportive of other writers, myself most included. So as a way of helping me gear up for the launch of my new book Good Enough to Eat, she has agree to participate in a MAJOR contest…Jen knows better than anyone that pre-sales can be the key to a good launch of a new book, and she wants my new book to do well! After all, that is her quote on the front cover comparing the book to “A perfect dish of Mac n’ Cheese….rich, warm, nuanced and delicious!” .

GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT is the story of a chef who works very hard to lose half her body weight, only to have her husband leave her for a woman twice her size! The book is funny and poignant, (if I do say so myself) and even includes a mini-cookbook of original recipes for delicious comfort foods, both healthy versions and decadent ones. The heroine realizes that she needs to lean on her friends for support as she learns to live and love in her new life and her new body.


So what would be a terrific way to celebrate those supportive friendships and great food?  How about an amazing meal with best buds...


Welcome to STENNIFER: The Lunchtastic Tour!


The winner of the contest will get lunch for themselves and a guest with Jen Lancaster and myself in their hometown, along with a gift basket of some signed books, limited edition promotional items, a bottle of Jen’s fave Chardonnay and probably some baked goods.

That’s right, Chickens, STENNIFER hits the road to come take your fabulous self and your bestie to an elegant lunch in your area. And we bring you presents! Are we not the greatest?


Here is how it works…you go (no, go NOW!) and pre-order a copy (or many) of my new book GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT. E-mail the confirmation (or receipt or a screen shot of your order) to staceyballisinfo (at) gmail (dot) com.


EVERY BOOK YOU ORDER IS ITS OWN ENTRY.


Order 10 copies? You have 10 entries. Want to give them out as Holiday Gifts to everyone in your company? Order 200 and you will have 200 chances to win. (The entries are connected to the e-mail address from which I receive them, so if you have a lot of friends you think might enjoy the book, but they don’t care about the contest, have them pre-order their copies, forward the receipt to you and you send them to me for multiple entries. So easy!)


Even better? You can also get entries for helping Jen and me to spread the word!  For every 20 people you tell about the contest, you get yet another chance to win! Just CC staceyballisinfo (at) gmail (dot) com on an e-mail with 20 different e-mail addresses (I will not store these addresses or sell them or use them in any insidious way, I just need to see that you actually sent it to 20 people.) with a link to this blog post and a brief description of the contest, and you’ll get another qualifying entry. Know a lot of people? Send 20 e-mails to 20 different people each and you’ll get 20 more entries. Get 20 people to Like a Facebook post about the contest with a link to this post and send me the link, BAM! Another entry. (There is no way to reward tweets, but we both hope you will tweet away about this amazing opportunity and know that we love you for it!)


The winner’s lunch will be documented on both Jen’s Blog and my own.


Already pre-ordered? Just send in that receipt! And maybe go order a second one for a pal….

On Kindle? Pre-orders now available!  And if you don’t win this contest, hang on to that receipt and keep checking in on this blog, as there will be some other contests and giveaways coming up for which that receipt will serve as a valid entry!


Lunch to take place on a date between Oct. 15, 2010 and Oct. 15, 2011, specific date based on our availability.


Contest ends at 11:59PM CST on September 6, 2010, and the winner will be announced on my blog and Jen’s and notified via e-mail on September 7.

NOTE:  Contest NOT open to family member of either of us.  That would be unfair.  Friends are welcome.  And family of friends are fine!


Now, what are you waiting for? CLICK HERE to pre-order your copy or copies right now!


And please follow me on Twitter @staceyballis. And Jen @altgeldshrugged.


As for the Feasting part of Friday, even though I think this contest is a pretty filling dish, I thought I would leave you with the following recipe from GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT.  Jen and I both think cupcakes ought to be recognized as a major food group, so this is the cupcake recipe from the book...

Decadent Dark Chocolate Cupcakes with Vanilla Bean Frosting



8 T. unsalted butter, cubed
2 oz. high quality bittersweet chocolate, (Valrhona, or Callebaut) chopped
½ C Dutch-processed cocoa powder
¾ C all-purpose flour
½ t. baking soda
¾ t. baking powder
2 large eggs
¾ C sugar
1 t. vanilla extract
½ t. salt
½ c sour cream
10 T. unsalted butter, softened
½ vanilla bean, halved lengthwise
1 ¼ C confectioners sugar, sifted
Pinch salt
½ t. vanilla extract
1 T. heavy cream


Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line standard-sized muffin pan with baking-cup liners.  We like the foil ones because they are pretty.  Do not judge us.


Combine butter, chocolate, and cocoa in medium heatproof bowl. Set bowl over saucepan containing barely simmering water; heat mixture until butter and chocolate are melted and whisk until smooth and combined. Set aside to cool until just warm to the touch.


Sift flour, baking soda, and baking powder into small bowl.


Beat the eggs in another bowl until well mixed; add sugar, vanilla, and salt and blend until fully incorporated. Add cooled chocolate mixture and whisk until combined. Sprinkle about one-third of flour mixture over chocolate mixture and whisk until just combined; then beat in sour cream, then add the remaining flour mixture over and whisk until batter is homogenous and thick.


Divide batter evenly among muffin pan cups. Bake until skewer inserted into center of cupcakes comes out clean, 18 to 20 minutes.


Cool cupcakes in muffin pan on wire rack until cool enough to handle, about 15 minutes. Carefully lift each cupcake from muffin pan and set on wire rack. Cool to room temperature before icing, about 30 minutes.


In standing mixer fitted with whisk attachment, ot with an electric beater, beat butter at medium-high speed until smooth, about 20 seconds. Using paring knife, split the vanilla bean in half lengthwise and scrape seeds from into butter and beat mixture at medium-high speed to combine, about 15 seconds. Add confectioners' sugar and salt; beat at medium-low speed until most of the sugar is moistened, about 45 seconds. Scrape down bowl and beat at medium speed until mixture is fully combined, about 15 seconds; scrape bowl, add vanilla extract and heavy cream, and beat at medium speed until incorporated, about 10 seconds, then increase speed to medium-high and beat until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes, scraping down bowl once or twice.

Frost cupcakes.  Eat one to be sure it isn't poisonous.  Call your BFF and let her know there are cupcakes.  Open the door so she doesn't make a Jen-shaped hole through it.  Eat a cupcake together. Or maybe two.

For maximum enjoyment, try my strange way of cupcake munching...gently pull the bottom half of the cake off, flip it around onto the top of the icing, making a cupcake sandwich.  Perfect ratio of cake to frosting , and no awkward icing-on-the-nose moments!

Biglove, and can't wait to meet one of you and your bestie at lunch sometime soon!

 The Polymath