Show Me the Money

For those of you unfamiliar with my Great Chair Debacle, read here for the backstory and here for the last installment.

For the rest of you, we finally have CLOSURE!

Not that it was easy.

After negotiating a cash settlement so that I never had to see Ancient Bob ever again, I waited patiently for the young man responsible for ruining the chairs to come deliver the money. Because when I say cash settlement, I do mean cash…green in hand.

And by patiently I mean calling the company every day for a week to try and determine when the little SOB was going to make the drop.

I had agreed to sign a document that indicated that the settlement ended the matter and that the company was afterwards absolved of any further involvement, which was fine by me. The young man in question finally called to say he would be by to give me the money. When he arrived, he counted out the money, and then dropped the following little bomb:

“So that sheet you had me sign?” I had asked him to write out on a piece of paper that he had ruined the chairs and sign it so that I had some protection when he took the cushions to try and clean them offsite.

“Yes?”

“I’m going to need that back.” WTF?

“That wasn’t the agreement. I agreed to sign a paper for the company saying that I had accepted the settlement.”

“But I am also going to need that paper back.” Yeah, right.

“Um, no.”

“What?”

“No, you may not have that paper back. I am happy to make you a copy, but the original stays with me.”

“I need that paper.” I have no idea what he thought I was going to do with it, but now I was more than miffed.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just need it.”

“Well, that isn’t going to happen.”

“Well then I am going to have to call Michael.”

He stood up, pocketed my money, and went to leave.

“Just stay there, we can call him right now.” I reached for my phone, and since I now knew the number by heart, began to dial.

“No, I will call him.”

And then….HE LEFT! Huffed right out my door and got in his van and drove away.

WITH MY MONEY!

I was gobsmacked. You have got to be freaking KIDDING me!

I called the company. I explained the situation and they promised he would be back soon.

Ten minutes later my phone rang. He was on his way back. But he was “Going to need that paper.”

My patience was officially gone.

“You are going to come back here right now and you are going to give me my money and I will give you a COPY of that paper and I will sign the paper the company sent, as agreed. That is the last conversation we are going to have about this, I expect you in the next ten minutes.”

Fifteen minutes later he came back. He handed over the money, and I signed the paper and handed him a copy of the paper he had signed for me. And then he left.

I called my new buddy Nathan at Crate and Barrel who informed me that my darling Dorien was ON SALE!!! 30% off, baby. Finally a little bit of joy from the universe. I ordered 22 yards (yikes!) and called Rachel to tell her that she was on deck for reupholstering.

Now I am just waiting for the fabric to come in and by the beginning of November the chairs and ottomans will be redone and delicious. Only four months after they were defiled.

I’m counting the days. And I can tell you something else, I am never having them cleaned!